Marriage is half your faith — Prophet Muhammad (SAW)
by Sokhna Wadoudou Henderson, Washington DC

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem,

Writing about marriage is intimidating.  Who among us does not have an opinion about marriage?  Who among us does not have a story about marriage—whether it has been gained through our own experience, or through witnessing the experience of another person?  Attend any Muslim gathering and bring up the subject of marriage:  everyone has an opinion!  These opinions can be positive, negative, happy, bitter, envious, disdainful, full of longing, full of confusion…They can be based in Quran and hadith, or they can based in Walt Disney, the media, or our own fantasies.  The purpose of this article is to share a few thoughts about marriage, and invite you to reflect upon the weight of something which equals fifty percent of our faith.

What is marriage? Look up the word “marriage” in a dictionary.  The most common definitions include the words institution, relationship, union.  Allah tells us that we, as married people, are “garments” or a covering for one another.   Clothes protect us from the elements.  They can also beautify us, reveal our status, and identify us.  Marriage opens doors:  the same acts of intimacy between a man and a woman are lawful and blessed when the couple is married, but haram and punishable when the couple is not.

Marriage as an institution establishes the foundation upon which the rest of society is built.  Marriage as a relationship is a blessing and an opportunity to develop patience, perseverance, and trust in Allah.  Marriage as a union brings forth offspring, Inshallah.  It also makes two individuals stronger as they become a unit working together.

What is the purpose of a spouse? This was the question posed by our teacher in an Islamic studies class thirty years ago.  Young, eager, and newly converted we students all had our opinions.  Specifically, he asked “what is the purpose of a wife?”

“You can pay a governess to educate your children, you can get a chef to cook a gourmet meal, you can—Allah forbid—pay a woman to be a companion.  So what is the purpose of a wife?”  (Extreme silence was heard for our part.)  “The purpose of a wife is to influence her husband, to soften his heart…the purpose of a husband is to influence his wife, to help her, to protect her…”  In other words, the spouses bring balance to one another by their different natures.

Why get married?  Allah enjoins marriage upon us.  Marriage is the sunna of our Beloved Prophet.  Those are enough reasons to marry.   Look a little deeper and you see the Mercy and Power of Allah giving us the blessing of marriage.  Marriage is a means to know our Lord.  If the marriage is good, we are grateful and thank Him.  If the marriage is not what we expected, or oppressive, we go to Him and beg for His help.  In either case marriage opens up our hearts for a conversation with Allah.  Allah says in surah  Baqarah, “Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find peace.”  When we turn to Allah in difficulty and in ease we discover the sweetness of spending time with our Lord.  We learn that He can do anything, and anything is easy for Him to do.  He has only to say “Be” and it is.  Inshallah, we come to the realization that we should talk to Allah first before we talk to our spouse when we are in conflict with him/her, or when we are happy with him/her.  We have the examples of Asiah, Pharaoh’s wife, who was married to the worst of men, and Khadijah (RA), who was married the Muhammad (SAW), the best of men.  Yet both are counted among the four perfect women.

If we looked at marriage from a corporate view, it would be the company in which to invest.  It would be the company we wanted to run because the perks are better than money or status. 

When we look at marriage from our point of view, as Muslims, we see an opportunity to please our Lord.  Allah says He created men and jinn to worship Him.  He gives us an opportunity worship Him continuously through marriage.  Learning how to collaborate, submit, communicate, and persevere…learning how to love, share, and be grateful…what a gift.  And the reward?  Inshallah to be blessed with Allah’s friendship!

I am not a scholar, and I beg Allah’s forgiveness for any mistakes or missteps I have made in this article.  My purpose has been to throw out some food for thought.  Marriage is complex.  Some marriages work, and some don’t; some thrive, and some wither.  What we must remember, always, is that Allah wants the best for His slaves.  Whether you are married or not, know that marriage is good because Allah has given it to us, and through His Prophet (SAW) shown us how to practice it successfully. 

In closing, keep in mind that our Lord is perfect, and He has given us a perfect Deen (religion).  We cling to this and beg Allah to keep up close to Him, and cause us not to die unless we die the death of the righteous, well pleasing and well pleased.

 

Womanhood: How Do You Define Yourself In This Era?
By Sokhna Rama Faye, Cincinatti, OH

 

As Muslim women, our lives are pretty much laid out for us from the day we are born.  In the Senegalese culture, we are taught to be respectful, submissive, and most of all carry a nearly perfect demeanor “no matter what.”  As a young Senegalese girl, I was able to attend school and spend most of my childhood surrounded mostly by educated individuals who did not perceive modernism as a threat but as a positive innovation.  However, like many of my peers, we were constantly reminded of what is expected of us as Muslim women. 

The smoothest part of our journey ends at puberty. When my mother told my father about my physical transformation, he was so shocked that he almost had a heart attack.  “How is that possible?”, he said in a heart sinking voice, as if it was only supposed to happen to “other” girls.  Interestingly, my father’s reaction is very common among Senegalese fathers because a daughter’s puberty marks the beginning of a long and hectic journey that never ends.

Why are fathers so worried about their daughters?  It is because they are often faced with a dilemma.  Most fathers want their daughters to be formally educated, so they can achieve financial independence and material security by means socially acceptable.  Young girls must understand that they can achieve independence without succumbing to temptation.  At some point in our lives, as Muslim women, we must ask ourselves: “What role do we want to play in this world?” – “Do we want to be devoted women, devoted wives, devoted mothers or all of the above?

As a mother, your most important task is to ensure that your children are deeply “rooted” in a strong family-oriented environment.  Your daughters, in particular, must regard you as a role model.  A mother’s behavior has a great impact on her daughters because they look up to her for guidance in this chaotic society.  Mothers, who are too preoccupied with everyday life to care for their children, push the latter in the arms of their peers or other “available” individuals.   In a desperate attempt to fill their maternal gap, children may fall into society’s many traps, and end up becoming wandering souls with no purpose in life.

We must make ourselves available to our children no matter how busy we are.  Children need a strong family background.  We have to be very careful about how our girls perceive us.  We must spend time with them to learn about their interests.  We must teach them good ethical behavior and the importance of keeping our minds and bodies “untainted.”  Most importantly, we should make sure our daughters respect themselves and others. 

A devoted personality is the one and only asset that can help a woman achieve her most important goals in life.

 

Factors of Unity
by  Sokhna Adji  Fatou Keita Juwara, Gaithersburg, MD